I bought a new computer. It's an Asus. I'm not really super familiar with the brand, but the reviews were really good for it. So I decided to come sit at Panera and work on homework all afternoon...unfortunately all I've done so far is try and remember if I put deodorant on this morning. I swear I did. I know I did. I remember changing shirts and thinking "I hope I didn't get deodorant marks on that..." but I also feel like it's about time I reapply, which is silly, because I haven't done anything to be stinky for!! But still, I'm not going to work tonight without reapplying.

Anyways, my point was that I haven't done a whole lot of school work. I did watch a video on how to create a webpage that I need to do for class, so that was helpful. And I checked my EMU email, so that was smart. I think that now I'm going to attempt to start my webpage and utilize a really cool feature that Windows 7 has to offer. Basically, it splits your screen in two, so that one half of the screen is the reference page and the other half is the page you're working on!! SWEET!!

I also may go get myself a delicious tuna salad sandwich...it's making my mouth water, and I'm getting a growly stomach.

On the plus side of my day, my cat slept with me last night and I dreamt about her all night. It was a good dream. It made me happy. Dreams getting better = less stress?? Hopefully!! :)

Dreams...

I've been having nightmares for the past week. Really terrible and often violent ones. Each night a different one...here's a little sampling of a few...

1. Killed some random person by beating them in the head with a chain

2. Went into a house haunted by a demon and came out covered in needles. I was able to pull some of the needles out, but I couldn't hold them in my hand, I had to give them to a man to hold because (according to someone in my dream, lol) the demon didn't like women, so the needles would just shoot back at me like I was a magnetic. And some needles would break off inside and I couldn't get them out.

3. Watched Jax from Sons of Anarchy get shot and then run over by a combine.

Clearly, my dreams have been affected by what I've seen, heard, or talked about during the day. For example, the night I dreamt of the demon, a guy I work with told me about the movie Paranormal Activity, which is about a demon who haunts a woman.

I watched Sons of Anarchy last night, and received an email yesterday from my uncle about a truck that collided with a combine.

Some people say that dreams are our subconscious trying to tell us something. I would agree with that. But I don't think these dreams are trying to tell me anything...do you?? I think that it's because I'm stressed, and I know that when I get stressed out, I have bad dreams. And sometimes, they are so bad that I don't want to fall asleep because I'm scared of what I'll dream. I mean, they're pretty disturbing if you think about it...beating someone in the head with a chain??? Where in the world would I come up with that!?

I need to lessen my stress load, but I don't know how!! I've got so much on my plate right now, and am barely making it paycheck to paycheck, but I know that in about a month and a half it will be over...at least until Student Teaching begins!! I know that working out is a great way to get rid of some stress, and there are a few days a week that I try to do that (I need to be better about it!!), but my schedule is so nuts that sometimes I feel like, "Oh my gosh! I have two hours before I go to work, I should really be writing that paper/creating that website/working on my unit plan/studying for my test/reading for class/preparing my lesson!" I need an extra day of the week, and maybe like, 5 more hours each day!!

So, if you have any advice for how to lessen stress then please, by all means, share it with me!! Because I need to end this before it gets too scary...

Getting Warmer...

I subbed again today!!! And I did it at a school that I was a bit apprehensive about at first, but then when I got there it was FABULOUS!! My first two hours were a little noisy, but at least no one asked me if I was retarded! (see I love subbing??)

Fourth and sixth hour worked on short stories, and in fifth hour we read aloud from this book that I'm now dying to finish, Romiette and Julio!! It's kind of cheesy, but Luke says that I'm kind of cheesy, so I think it works out okay in the end, lol...

Anyways, it was fabulous, and I loved it, and I can't wait to get another job!! Now I'm going to go catch up on homework (or try to!), and pretend that I don't live with my parents because sometimes...we just grate on each other...

You bring me joy!

So I just finished reading an AMAZING story (mostly autobiographical) called The Absolutely True Story of a Part-Time Indian. At one point in the story, three people in his life die and it really affects him (as it would anyone!) so he makes lists of things that bring joy to his life. I thought this would be fun to do...a great reminder that as terrible as we may think life is, there are many things that bring us joy in life!! I know that I'm leaving things and people and food out...but I limited it to ten per section or else it would've taken over my page!!!

People Who Bring Me Joy (in no particular order)

1. Luke

2. Jen

3. Meredith

4. Mom

5. Dad

6. Gina

7. Dave and Chuck the Freak (they made me laugh so hard this morning!!)

8. Emily M

9. Lindsey

10. Julianne

11. Jasmaine

Musicians who play the most joyous music

1. Jack Johnson

2. Bare Naked Ladies

3. Beyonce

4. Dave Matthews Band

5. Taylor Swift

6. The Fray

7. The Darkness

8. Death Cab for Cutie

9. Kanye West (GRADUATION album)

10. Gwen Stefani

Foods that bring me joy

1. Chips and salsa!!

2. Pepperoni Pizza

3. TACOS!!

4. Minestrone Soup

5. Chicken Teriyaki Sandwich at Subway

6. Buttery popcorn

7. Spicier Nacho Doritoes

8. Trader Joe's Chicken Taco's

9. Caesar Salad at Library Pub

10. Sante Fe Wrap at Rio Wraps

11. Mexi-cali Dip and Frito's...thanks to Gina!

Books that bring me Joy

1. All Confessions of a Shopaholic

2. Sex, Drugs, and Coco Puffs

3. To Kill A Mockingbird

4. Fahrenheit 451

5. Something Borrowed

6. Something Blue

7. Good Grief

8. Twilight Series

9. Rise and Shine

10. Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian

A Poem...but not my own!!

Today is the National Day of Writing. So in honor of that, I am using my last seven minutes in the computer lab to share a poem with you...perhaps later I will write something...this is a poem by a poet that I'm beginning to study, I hope you like it!! :)

A Valentine for Ben Franklin Who Drives a Truck in California

by Diane Wakoski

I cut the deck

and found a magician

driving a mack truck

down the California grapevine.

His eyes were glistening Japanese beetles,

and his hands were surveyors of the moon.

He pulled a carnation

out of his sleeve,

and offered me a ride.

I took the flower and said I was leaving

to be an illusionist. He said

he specialized in cards

and sleight of hand.

I touched his mouth and ears

with my lips,

“Keep on truckin,”

I said.

But he laughed and told me a bedtime story.

His body was an elm.

His mouth was filled with grapes.

His hands turned my body into new honey.

Now I am home alone,

reading directions

for sawing a beautiful woman in half.

First you start with a mirror . . . .

Before I turn down

the crisp sheets of my bed,

I shuffle the tarot deck.

But the magician is missing.

Is he

still driving the freeways of California?

Or is he

only an illusion

in my own

magician’s

head?

tears

I am writing this with big 'ole fatty tears rolling down my cheeks...I am going to fail a class that I need and I'm freaking out. There is too much work to do and not enough time to do it! I have no idea what to do. I need to work to make money to pay my bills, but my classes all require so much work that I don't how to do it...I need an eighth day of the week...or I need someone to take over this class and pass it for me...who makes a technology class online anyways!??

I have no idea how I got so far behind, but I did.

I have bronchitis. They told me to come home and rest. I talked to my teachers and they said it was okay if I left, I offered them the doctor's note I had. They told me to go home and sleep. My mom said I better be sleeping when she gets home. My dad said I need to sleep.

But instead, I really need to catch up in this class so I don't fail.

If I really do fail, then I can't student teach in the winter. Then I'm really screwed. But right now, I'm just sick, exhausted, and scared.

I love subbing???

Sooo...I had my first day of subbing today, and it wasn't really that bad! I was really nervous because I have never subbed before, but it turns out that I didn't really have any reason to be nervous...or did I??

First Hour: The kids come in, the bell rings, I begin to take attendance and one student walks out. Hmmm...okay...I close the door to the room and continue to take attendance. I tell the kids, "if you need to leave, please let me know so I can sign your planner." They all say okay. She comes back in and goes to backpack and begins rummaging around. I say, "What's going on here? I need you to sit down so we can get started." She says, "I'm looking for my phone like I done BEEN doing for the past five minutes! What are you, retarded??" And walks out again. I go over to the phone to call the office and she walks back in and goes back to her desk, so I put the phone down. She moves to leave again, and I block her path saying, "You need to either sit down to do your work, or go to the office." And this delightful young girl says, "Get OUTTA my WAY!" and walks out. I called the principal, she called security. Security called her mom. She left for the day.

Second Hour: No issues!! The kids were great!!

Third Hour: I take attendance and tell the kids to put their phones and iPods away. One student keeps her phone out and keeps checking it and I keep telling her to put it away. In hindsight, I should've taken it away and I know that now. Anyways, after awhile the phone rings and the health center asks for me to send her to their office. I tell her that she needs to head down there and after five minutes of screwing around she finally gets her stuff together to go down. She comes over to me and asks if she can call her mom ion her cell. I suggest she wait until she gets down to the health office, but she says that she needs to call her BEFORE she gets to the office. Now, my better judgement says NO WAY!! however...I want to point out that she had this weird gross looking rash thingy all over her arms, and I thought that maybe it was about that...dumb. I know. I should never have fallen for it, and I've DEFINITELY learned my lesson!! She steps into the hall and her friend follows her. I go out there to bring the friend back inside when I hear her saying, "Look girl! You do NOT know me! Stop calling me..." there were a few other choice words used that I'll leave out. Lucky (?) for me a teacher, and two security guards were walking down the hall and helped to get the girls back in the classroom. After that, she called me "sweetie" and "honey" the rest of the hour, but no more problems.

Fourth Hour: Fabulous. No issues!!!

Fifth Hour: We went to the media center so the kids could type up their character development stories. I went around to make sure that everyone knew what they supposed to be doing. As I walked past the last row I asked a student who hadn't typed one word if he had someone for his character story and he said, "yeah. Imma write aboutchoo." Me: "You're going to write about who??" Him: "Choo." Me: "Me? Oh great...hope it's nothing bad!" Him (under his breath): "mumble, mumble...sexy lady...mumble, mumble." ME: errr....what?!

I had to write him up for "inappropriate language" and "gross disrespect," and I later found out that the girl from third hour got kicked out for fighting.

Welcome to high school.

Going Up!

Yes, two in one day my beloved readers! But this was so funny, I couldn't keep it from you!

Yesterday I was in my building at school and opted to take the elevator from the sixth floor to the third floor. So I pressed DOWN and waited. The doors to the elevator on the far left opened with a DOWN arrow highlighted, so I got in and pressed three as I realized that the two young men on board were fervently pressing seven. I looked at them and after a minute or so they said, "We need to go to seven...but it just stopped at six."

I grinned and in a good sarcastic, funny tone said, "Oh, well don't you know that this one only goes down?" haha! I'm laughing, that was a funny comment!! But they don't really laugh...instead they kind of half smile as the doors open on five and another young man gets on, they say, "Really? This one only goes down?"

Thinking that they're picking up what I'm putting down, I say, "Oh yeah! It doesn't go up, just down!"

The third man looks at the two of them and at me and as the doors open on four he says, "Really? I didn't realize that!" As the two boys get off they say, "Hey! Which one goes up?"

At this point, I should really tell them that they all go up AND down, but instead I say, "The one at the far end only goes up!" They call out "Thanks!" and head down there as a girl gets on. As we continue down to the third floor the third man in the elevator says, "Man, I had no idea that this elevator only goes down!" To which the girl replies, "Really??? Which ones goes up?"

I swear, I did not make up one word of this story. It happened yesterday...and it's 100% truth...

I wimped out today. I had a call for a subbing job at Redford High School and a I didn't take it. Which is really quite ridiculous of me because this was the week that I was going to BEGIN subbing! I just got scared. I suddenly realized that I would be the sub in a classroom full of high schoolers. Not a teacher. A sub. Do you remember what you did to your subs back in the day? Yes, for some of you that was yeeeeeaaaaaarrrrs ago, but try and remember, because I had flashbacks while the automated caller patiently waited for me to respond to him and accept or reject the job. Switching seats and spending the day pretending to be my friend. Boys pushing the sub as far as they can. Have you ever seen a teacher run crying from the room? Or cry while standing in front of you? Me neither, but I've heard the horror stories! So I wimped out. I rejected the job and went back to sleep. Not a very fitful sleep, I felt incredibly guilty!

I went on to the website for subbing 2 hours later and found another job. At another high school. This time it was in Ypsilanti. I called my friend Jen and told her what I was worried about. I also told her that I was going to say what I wasn't supposed to say, but that I didn't want to work in Ypsilanti or Redford, I wanted Livonia, or Plymouth. She pointed out two things that I really needed to hear this morning...
1. "Claire, what did you quit your full time, full paying, job for?" At first I fumbled and tried to say it was to go back to school, but that wasn't true. She was right. I need the hours in the classroom, and I need the hours to be in middle and high school classrooms since my teaching certificate will be in secondary education. Then she said,
2. "Stop making assumptions about these kids! They might be really great kids, but you're already setting yourself up to fail by doubting yourself and doubting the kids!"

So I decided to shower and get ready, and see what time it was. The Ypsi job was starting at 10:31 and it was already 9:20. I had to get ready and then drive 30-40 minutes. So I got ready, now it was 9:40, I went online to accept the job...but it was already taken.

Thursday!! I'm going to start subbing on Thursday! No excuses, no fear, no wimping out, and no preconceived notions about students!

Sink or Swim? Does anyone have a lifesaver they can throw me??

Take a deep breath. Just breathe deeply. Close your eyes. Breathe. Just focus on today. Get done what you can today. Don't think about tomorrow. Breathe...

That has been my mantra for the past two weeks. It's only the third week of school and already I feel like I'm barely keeping my head above water. Such a cliche I know, but I can't help it. It's the only thing I can think of. I'm exhausted. I think I took on too much. I work four days a week (three nights, one morning shift), have class three days a week (two afternoons, one evening) and am hoping to start picking up subbing jobs this week, for three days a week. I try to see my boyfriend twice a week, sometimes we get three (two nights, one morning).

When I was an undergraduate I took 15-19 credits each semester and worked three jobs (FHIA, YMCA, Taylor School District for a year, and my dad's church for a year). I still found time to go out and party, go on dates, see my friends. Now I'm working one job and taking 13 credits and I have no idea what I'm doing. I've already gotten behind in classes. I've been wanting to write a blog and fill you all in on how busy I've been and what's going on in my classes, but I've been too busy to write it!

I feel like all I do is read, mainly because that IS all I do! Last week I read THE CATCHER IN THE RYE in two hours, plus I read four articles for one class, THE CHOCOLATE WAR for another, BEOWULF and the 20 page prologue and all the critique's in the back of the book (about 10-15 pages each, there were 4). I have to write reading responses in two of my classes. I had to create a VodCast (video podcast), which encompassed creating a handout and power point presentation, which meant that I also had to research the project...the research took me 4 hours, the power point took me 5!

Needless to say, I'm ready for a vacation.

Things aren't actually too bad. Just a bit stressful, and I will admit, I didn't exactly manage my time very well. So this week is the beginning of a new Claire! I bought a new planner, I filled in when everything is due (from readings to essays to unit plans to poetry readings), I've printed off everything I need for Monday, and after class on Monday I will print off everything I need for Wednesday.

I will be focused.

I will get things done.

I will not dilly-dally, procrastinate, or fall asleep while reading.

I will rock it out with my...nose to the grindstone (you thought I was going to say something else...my little dirty readers...lol)

I will be the best damn student ever!

And then I will collapse...but I think a dinner out with lots of wine will help...

On the plus side, I just received my first check in over a month!! Although it's about $600 shy of what I used to make, it's still a LOT of money for someone who was skating along with $7 in her account!! WOO HOO!!

okay, that's enough for now...I promise that my next one won't be so stressful...I'll have a good story for you next time...