I think that I might be going through withdrawal. You see, when you're gone for so long, my heart gets all achey, and it makes my whole body ache for you. I just want you to hug me, maybe a big bearhug, a real body squisher. That way I'll be as close to you as I possibly could be. Then maybe a nice long kiss...I would like that...Then we can just hold hands and walk the dog to the lake (because she'll probably need to pee after all the lake water she drank when she swam), and in the moonlit rain we'll kiss some more. And hug more. Lots of hugs.
You will probably smell like day old boy, because you probably didn't shower before you left your tournament, but I won't mind. Well, I'll probably be thinking in my head, "man, I wish he would've put some extra deodorant or cologne on!" But I won't tell you that. You'll be wearing your shorts with the holes so big your wallet is in danger of falling out. You will have a huge goatee that will scratch my chin, but it's so long now that it's not so scratchy anymore, it's soft.
I will probably be in my favorite jeans and a sweatshirt. Waiting for you with the chocolate chips cookies that I recently burned in the oven. I want you to know that I don't burn everything. Just lately it seems like I do burn everything. But I promise that I don't. I'll have the TV on and will hear your key in the lock and wonder if I should jump up and hug you before you get in the door, or wait for you to come in and put your stuff down. Should I awkwardly stand up or let you awkwardly come over to the couch? I'll probably stand up and walk over to you.
But maybe you'll come to the back sliding door. I usually just keep the blinds shut, so I won't know you're there, and Gauge doesn't always pay attention, so if you knock it will freak me out. But then I'll realize that it's you, my favorite person in the whole wide world, and my heart will jump up and down a few times, because it's so excited, causing my stomach to have a case of butterflies. But I like when you give me butterflies. I like that it's been over two years and you still give me butterflies...
I like that it's been over two years and my breath still catches in my throat when you look into my eyes for a long time and then whisper, "I love you Claire." I love that I still try so hard to explain to you just HOW MUCH I love you, and what I love about you, but I never really seem to find the right words that explain how I feel. But I do love you. Even when you're miles away from me and I sit here in your living room with your dog and my burned chocolate chip cookies, trying to wait for you to come home.