The thing about break ups, is that they suck. It doesn’t matter if you’re the one leaving or the one being left. You’ve both put time, love, faith,commitment, affirmation, and trust into each other; into your relationship with one another. And then at some point in time one of you feels that they’re giving more than receiving, or something happens to disrupt that love or the trust, or faith…I think it’s actually worse being the person who has to end it. You love them and you want to be with them, but something tugs at your heart and tells you that it’s not right. Sometimes you don’t even know why, all you know is that you are about to break this persons heart, and you don’t want to do that.
But you know that it’s the right thing to do. You know that you will suffocate if you stay. You’ll suffocate from taking care of them, from staying with them for fear of hurting them, from the way they crush your dreams…crush you…So you know you have to leave. And you do. And you cry and sob and your body is wracked with emotional waves that just keep slamming you down and down and down, and you second guess what you’re doing and wonder if maybe they will change, maybe they will do the things you need them to do so you can stay together and get married and have babies and buy a house and a dog and live happily ever after. But in your heart of hearts, you know that they never will. They are who they are.
And you know what the trickiest part is? They’re sneaky. They tell you that they can change. They promise they can change. They cling your hand and swear up and down with little pools of tears in their eyes, cascading down their cheeks, hiccupping because they’ve been crying so hard, and they say, “I can change! I’ll do whatever it takes!” And this is why it’s worse to be the one ending it. Because suddenly, after all of the thinking, the praying, the pro’s & con’s list you made, after all that, you find yourself beginning to believe them. Or maybe you just find yourself so full of pity for this person you love, you hate causing them pain, but there’s no other way to go around it…you have to hurt them to take care of yourself.
And in the end, we’re almost always glad that we made the choice to leave. We’re better people for it, and we’ve taught that person an important lesson that they hopefully picked up on. The lesson being (in some cases): We’re together, you have to be onboard with me the way that I’m onboard with you. You have to show me that you love me in ways other than just telling me. You have to BE THERE FOR ME. And you can’t just suddenly be there for me when I’m leaving, or when it’s convenient for you. You have to be there for me all day, every day, just as I have been – and will continue to be – for you.
Sometimes we see a temporary change, but it's rarely ever permanent. It's a change that lasts just long enough for us to get sucked back in...but we have to remember: If it’s meant to be, it will be. As a very wise friend once told me, “If love were enough, we’d all be with our high school sweethearts.” And guess what? We’re not. We need more than love. We need commitment, faith, trust, and affirmation, without those, the relationship suffers…if only love were enough...